我们不是永远都那么勇敢

我们不是永远都那么勇敢 ——— 万芳

你总是在快乐的时候害怕不快乐
在19岁的时候担心二十岁就老了
你害怕你比较爱他
才说话却没有朋友
孤单用匆忙走过



你喜欢被赞美却只记得被批评

你羡慕别人去忘了自己
害怕有天年华老去
想坚强却突然伤心
眼泪和微笑长存



我们不是永远都那么勇敢

不是每一次都可以强壮
当爱情离开的时候难过
亲爱的 我也曾经这样

我们不是永远都那么勇敢
不是每一次都可以强壮
当寂寞来的时候会心痛
亲爱的 我和你都一样

你总是在快乐的时候害怕不快乐
在19岁的时候担心二十岁就老了
害怕有天年华老去
想坚强却突然伤心
眼泪和微笑长存

我们不是永远都那么勇敢
不是每一次都可以强壮
当爱情离开的时候都难过
亲爱的 我也曾经这样

我们不是永远都那么勇敢
不是每一次都可以强壮
当寂寞来的时候会心痛
亲爱的 我和你都一样

LOTS have happened in the past few months. A few things that happened recently have got me thinking about people, about friendship, about trust... I feel shattered. Trying hard to hold myself together without breaking into million little pieces...Someone told me I'm too nice. Too nice that people took advantage of me. Maybe that person is right. I'm contemplating my definition of friends, and my parameters of trust....

因为还活着，所以痛一下也没关系

生命只是一个过程
过程就是你要去享受开心的，痛的
“原来痛是这样的， 哭是这样的”
所以要把这些都享受完
你就是在活着
当生命没有了，就没有了

你可以感受到的每一个喜怒哀乐， 都是因为你还活着
好的，不好的，你都要接受
这样你才完整地过了一个生活

我们常去抗拒一些事情与感受
“我不要这样，我不要那样”
有时候，痛一下，其实也没关系
因为还活着，所以痛一下也没关系


Life is just a process
A process that you should enjoy the fun and pain in it. 
"Oh, so this is how it feels like, pain and joy"
Therefore, when you enjoy all these completely
You are alive
When life is gone, these will be gone too


You can feel every emotions because you're still alive
Accept them, whether they are good or bad
And with that, you'll live a full life


Sometimes we resist some of the things we have experienced and feel
"I do not like this, I do not want that"
Sometimes the pain, in fact, does not matter
Because you are still alive

If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself. What isn't part of ourselves doesn't disturb us. --Hermann Hesse (1877 - 1962)

此刻的我，正坐在落地窗前，看着这城市的天际线。天色随着日落慢慢变暗，而城市里的灯光渐渐点燃。这个楼层只有我一人，四周异常安静， 只有电脑里播放的音乐轻轻的哼着。我的心情，也随着这样的气氛慢慢沉甸……如果能一直这样，多好……

Today's first day on the ward for this placement. Paediatrics is something really different. I'm in cardiology/renal ward, but coincidently all my preceptor's patient are not under cardio/renal unit. Had a quiet afternoon, our patients' all good, so for first half of the shift we've been helping out other nurses.

So, my first exposure of paeds:
- Had a 5-hour-old new born baby girl admitted into the ward for congenital heart defect. Definitely my youngest patient so far!
- Played with 5-month-old baby girl who was admitted under General Medicine. Active, cute smiling baby. Got a chance to feed her milk too. =)
- 2-year-old boy woke up from nap and realised his mummy was not there. No one managed to coax him, and I had to phone his mum to come back to ward.
- Had 2 patients from Oncology. They are the older children (7 and 10 years old), so pretty easy to take care of.

That's all I can think of now. Quite tired despite having an easy shift. Lots of new terms to remember. And I have to try to get used to the shift work again. Can't wait for more challenges!

Time to sleep... Ciao~!

Kinda abandoned this blog for awhile. >.< Life was so busy last semester that I didn't really blog anything about it. Time to re-cap!


**********
Last semester:


Placement at Neuroscience department was great. Interesting patient, hectic workload, great learning experience. Did alright in the subjects. Not extremely happy about my results, but I think I should feel contented.

**********
Semester break:

Went down to Canberra. Passport was done. =)
Meiyin was here for holiday. EAT and EAT was the agenda. :P Suffering from the aftermath now. >.<
Kenny got offered scholarship in UNSW and hence moved out. No more "*knock knock* Irene you want tong shui?" from Kenny. =(
Esther moved in and become my housemate! :D

And then... start of uni... >.<

**********
This semester:

FINAL semester!!! I think it would be even busier than last semester. 4 subjects and no final exams mean lots of assignments due date throughout the semester. Having a study group for a separate exam preparation as well. Consistent studying and working on assignment will be the best way for this semester.

Having placement at cardiology/renal ward of the Children's. Today is the first day of placement. Spent most of the morning having ward orientation. Most of the patients in the ward are less than 2 years old. Seeing sick little children, with tubes going in and out of their bodies makes my heart flinch. Maybe I should think it from another perspective, that it will be nice seeing them getting better and able to live a healthy normal life.

**********
I guess that's all for now. My brain is kinda messed up with congenital heart defects terminology and issues of management of aboriginal health at the same time. Can't think. >.<

I think...
I've just lost a friend...

Or maybe, I've already lost her long time ago...

:(

我想回家
真的
很想
回家

Of bruises and abrasions...

Oh well, again, haven't been updating my blog for some time. The hectic schedule, lack of interesting topic to write, and most importantly lack of motivation to blog caused the lack of entries. >.< And finally, I feel like writing something.

Went to Collingwood Children's Farm yesterday with Grad House friends. Initially I was supposed to meet up with some of them at train station, and catch a train there, while N and E were supposed to cycle there. However, yesterday morning, N gave me a call and asked if I'm interested in cycling there, as E couldn't make it. And, I made a bad decision. I decided to join N and cycle there.

I think that's a bad decision because first, I haven't cycle for a long long time. When I mean long, I mean years. Second, I had to cycle in the city with cars driving past me on a very busy road. And yet, i decided to join N for the ride.

Well, straight to the point, I fell. A few times in fact. The last fall was the most serious and most scary one. I suffered from a number of abrasions on my left arm, few abrasions on right arm, bruises everywhere on both legs, and a bruise on my chin. >.< I feel so sorry to N for making him worried about me! And we took 2x longer than it should be to reach our destination, as I had to ride so slow.. and N had to ride slow because of me too...

We reached the destination alright, and met up with the rest. Breakfast at the cafe was great. Shared the "Farmer's breakfast" with WH. The little farm was good. Goats, sheep, cows, horses.. It was good shopping trip for some of us too, as there was a farmer's market on that day. Cooling weather, nice sunshine to give a little bit of warmness, nice blue sky with some white clouds.. The weather was perfect for a day out.

Then the trip back to Grad House. This time, we took the longer route. I think it's about 2 to 3 times longer than the route we took to get to the farm. However, this is a proper cycling track. No cars or anything. It's along Yarra River for the first part of the journey, and it's AWESOME!! I managed to get rid of my nervousness, and had a better control of the bike. Love the journey back! Although some part of uphill cycling was killing, but no more falls along the way! Just a few stops for little break and water. =)

In conclusion, I enjoyed the trip to the farm and the cycling journey! And huge thanks to N for being so patient with me. I hope the next time we cycle together (if there's any chance), I won't embarrass you or make you worry at all.

新年快乐~！

今天已经是年初八了。第二次没在家里过年，感觉空空的。人在异乡为异客，每逢佳节倍思亲，这段诗形容得特别贴切。 在外孤单一人，感觉蛮寂寞的。

有assignments要做，但总提不起劲。这还真不是件好事情。没办法，加油吧！

那些事情 我终于看仔细

歌名：显微镜下的爱情
歌手：黄义达
专辑：无法定义

滴答滴 听天空 在哭泣
洗掉了一些梦 埋葬在城市里

滴答滴 听时间 往前去
好象在预报着 未来的连续剧

一封信 一件旧的毛线衣
谁是谁的纪念品 拿什么来回忆

一场雨 狠狠下在眼睛里
爱在生老病死后 已经都没关系

问自己 没有你我行不行
显微镜里看爱情 残酷的放大所有爱的原因

遇见你 之后 爱上你 然后 狠透你
原来 爱是回不去的旅行
亲爱的 让我忘记你 那些事情 我终于看仔细

遇见你 之后 爱上你 然后 狠透你
原来 爱是回不去的旅行
亲爱的 我要忘记你 那些事情 我终于看仔细

遇见你 之后 爱上你 然后 狠透你
原来 爱是回不去的旅行
亲爱的 让我忘记你 那些事情 我终于看仔细

深夜里 捷运站 飘着雨
我看着马路边 另一对我和你

Happy 2010

Happy new year!!

Did not update anything for the last three months of 2009. Too many things happened, too little time to blog.

Anyway, "Be strong and courageous" will be my motto for the year, where courageous means that you do something in spite of the fear you feel. So I plan on being very courageous this year by using that fear. Hope this coming year will be a great one!

Cheers!

Don't remember when was the last time this happened, for two nights in a row, I dreamt of being at home, in Malaysia. Two nights, and each night the dream was so vivid, it felt so real. So real that when I woke up in the morning, finding myself still in my room in Melbourne, I felt confused. And sadness follows.

Haven't had dream about home for so long already. I thought I am already used to being few thousand kilometers away from home. I thought two and a half years of studies overseas already numb my home-sickness. Apparently not. >.<

***************************************************

My ankle's getting better. Can walk normally now. But still can't run. Can't put too much pressure on it too. And I think I lose a bit of its proprioception. Almost fell down the stairs a couple of times. Still can't achieve the full range-of-movement of the right ankle. And it still hurt a little. >.< Just two weeks and a bit after the accident. Four more weeks to go before I can go back to gym for my favourite Body Combat class...

***************************************************

Studies have been stressful. Finally finished placement for this semester, and won't have any placement in acute setting till March/April next year. I enjoyed placement most, and will definitely miss it! But it's good that it has ended for this semester. Another 4 weeks of studies with assignments and research, then final exam. Dreadful, but can't wait for it to end.

Enjoying two weeks of non-teaching period now. One week has passed, and I've done absolutely nothing in terms of studies. Pretty much been relaxing and chilling out. Nice break for me. However, I have to start my work on studies this week. Lots of studying, assignment-ing, and reading. Buck up!!

***************************************************

Going out for a walk soon. Finally there's some sunshine after few days of below-average temperature and rainy weather. Ciao~

Sprained ankle >.<

Sprained my ankle. Second time this year, on the same right ankle. =(

It happened on Friday evening when I went for a walk in a park with a friend. Initially it seems alright, and it hurts a little, but I still could walk back to my friend's place. Until we got back to his place, to his and my own surprise, the ankle was swollen, and it looks like I stuffed an egg into my ankle. It hurts A LOT!! =( Everyone who knew I sprained my ankle gave me the same advice, R.I.C.E (Rest, Ice, Compression, Elevation). I did all except compression because it hurts a lot, even I just bandage my ankle so lightly with crepe bandage.

On Saturday morning, it started bruising. badly bruise. Still swollen. In the afternoon, the bruising seemed to ease a little, as well as the swelling. But in the evening, the swelling got worse. My housemate noticed that my whole foot was swollen, not only my ankle. Continue with the R.I.C.E, with compression this time.

Now, Sunday morning, and the swelling is still there! =( No clinic's open on Sunday, which means most likely I will make my way to the hospital later. I hope it won't be too busy in ED, so that I can get attended to without spending hours there.

Sigh, clumsy me >.<

好久没有

好久没有
像现在这样
那么想喝酒

很想
狠狠喝一场
把自己灌醉
然后好好睡一觉

但是，听人说
自己一个人喝闷酒
对身体不好

有谁愿意陪我喝一杯？

分手

分手了
就在三天前

痛

First day of placement yesterday...

and there was Code Yellow! What an experience. End up could not do full ward orientation, and spent 10 minutes or less in each ward, just walk around knowing the settings.

Today will be the second day of placement, and officially first day on ward. I get Vascular/Thoracic/Gastro Ward, a surgical ward this time. Seems to be a very busy ward. Hope things will go smoothly today. =)

Jia You!!!

First week of second semester

The first week of semester has just passed. Monday and Tuesday were off, as there's no placement on the first week. Went to Dayi's house on Monday evening and had dinner there. That's my first time there. Small, nice and quiet place. Met up with Dayi and Dayizhang on Tuesday morning at Vic market. Shopped for some vege, then went to her house again. Stayed till about 7pm then came home. Nice catching up with them. =)

Officially started uni on Wednesday, with 3 full-blast lectures in a day. Readings, readings, readings, and more readings for the week. >.<

Thursday was clinical skills lab. It was quite fun. Playing with ampoules, needles and syringes. Tried injecting into a sponge. Haha! After lab was group project meeting. There are 6 of us (including me) in the group. Glad to know that everyone is enthusiastic and willing to put in effort. Selected our top 3 preferences of group projects, and now we'll wait and see what we get tomorrow.

Friday was free. Stayed at home whole day >.< Yesterday went out to Vic market again and met up with Grad House's friends. Shopped in Vic market, then went to Chinatown. I bought few more things to stock up my kitchen hehe.

Gonna go to Vic market again today. Need to stock up my fridge for the next one week. Then I'll need to come back and cook dessert for tonight's dinner. It's Kat-chan's birthday tomorrow, and we're celebrating for her tonight. =) Can't wait to catch up with them!

Placement starts tomorrow. This semester I will be at Western Footscray Hospital. Hopefully this placement will be a smooth-sailing and fruitful one!

That's all for now. =) Ta~

新的学期

转眼间，假期结束了。今天，是新学期的开始。这一个月的假期，很忙，但也很悠闲。忙着收拾东西，忙搬家，然后让自己在新家安顿好。悠闲，能花时间下厨，能花时间读杂志，能花时间学习织围巾，能有足够的睡眠， 能和朋友一起外出，和不同的朋友去了两次卡拉OK。假期真好！

欢乐的时光总过得特别快。开学了。虽然星期三才正式上课，但得收拾心情，开始准备课前阅读了。希望这个学期也能安然度过。我会加油的！

=）