Wednesday, December 31, 2008

2008

Last day of 2008.

What a year to be. Full of ups, downs, happy, sad, angry, frustrations, fear, love, beloved, stressed, depressed, and many other good and bad moments. 

All in all, this one has been a memorable one. Learned a lot of things, grown older mentally and physically. 

What's in store for me next year? A new place, new course. A new start? Certainly. It won't be easy, I know. But I pray hard that this time next year, when I look back, I will be happy of what I've done. 

Happy 2009 to all!!!

Friday, November 28, 2008

Good news week

Yay! 

Results were released on Wednesday 12am. Stayed awake and waited till almost 1am before i managed to see my results. All passed, with my first High Distinction in my years in UQ. Finally felt relieved.

Went to uni on Wednesday itself to get academic transcript, and then to IDP office in city to hand in the transcript. James were not there, so in the end i just passed my document to another lady.

Thursday morning. Received a call from James. He said I need to get a Letter of Completion from uni, to officially state that I have successfully completed my degree. Went to uni again, this time with parents, then to city. Brought parents around city centre, then for lunch at Wah, a Korean restaurant. The restaurant has changed ownership i think. Renovated the whole place, with a whole new crew of staff. Ordered a medium seafood hotpot, sharing among us. It's my parents' first time trying Korean food, luckily they enjoyed the meal.

After lunch, we went to Toowong for some vege and fruits shopping. Spent only about 30 mins there since we bought offpeak bus ticket. While on the way home, James called. He said I've got offer letter from Uni of Melbourne! I was so delighted. My parents too. Greater relieve now. I was so worried that I couldn't get the offer. Been praying hard. Now I'm thinking.. will I get offer from Uni of Sydney too? Pray...

Can't wait for Monday to come. It's my GRADUATION!! 

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Done

Had my last paper today. Final paper that ends my undergraduate degree. Just praying hard now that nothing goes wrong.

Watched Rock N Rolla with Joyce and Nick just now. Quite nice, something new to me. Just that my brain is half dead after the exam. 

Need to sleep badly now.. Lots of things coming up these few days...

Friday, October 31, 2008

大学生应该知道的86件事

这是在朋友的博客里看到的。放在这里,提醒自己。

一,如果你的家庭一般的話,那麼記得你在大學有很多意外用錢的地方。比如二專業或者將來的各種班,為了你的家人和你自己的前途,永遠別亂花錢。記住,永遠。

  二,大學可能有真實的愛情,但是記住只是可能。很多時候他們是因為別人都談戀愛而羨慕或者別的原因而在一起。所以,不必為任何分手而受太大的傷,記住,太大的傷,真愛,還是值得追求的。

  三,別以為在學生會你能得到你曾經想要的。工作的熱情很可能因為你所看到的所經歷的一些事而改變,但是也不必懼怕。你有大一一年來適應或者承受,並做出是繼續堅持還是退出的決定。

  四,朋友,你大學的朋友很可能就是你將來事業的一部分。他們會幫助你。但是你也應該讓自己有幫助他們的實力,所以,你要努力,你和你的朋友會一起在將來打造一個可能很輝煌的事業。很好聽是嗎?但是記住,你們都要努力。

  五,很多事情當你再回憶時會發現其實沒什麼。所以,不管你當時多麼生氣憤怒或者別的,都告訴自己不必這樣,你會發現其實真的不必。

  六,學習,永遠別忘記她。不管別人怎麼說大學是個提高綜合能力的地方云云,如果你學習失敗了,你就什麼也不是——不排除意外,但你考慮好了嗎?你會是那個意外嗎??

  七,別說髒話,你應該知道習慣的力量。找工作或者和別人接觸時,你隨便的一個字或者幾個字會讓你在別人心中的形象大打折扣。

  八,好好利用在公共場合說話的機會,展示或者鍛鍊,都可以。

  九,別為你自己和別人下定論,無比重要。你所看到聽到的可能只是一面,為這個失去可能的朋友,很不值。

  十,如果你發現很久了你一直是一個人去食堂吃飯或者去上自習,別在意,大學裏一個人是正常的,你覺得孤獨?你的朋友是怕你覺得你沒有自由的空間,所以別以為你沒有朋友。

  十一,很多事情別人通知你了,要說謝謝,沒有通知你,不要責怪,因為那些事你其實應該自己弄清楚。

  十二,“我請你吃飯“之類的話不要亂說,因為所有人都會當真,不管你自己怎麼想,大學裏請人吃飯是很平常的事,幾乎連請一個自己不怎麼認識的人吃飯都很正常.

  十三,尊嚴是最重要的,但是在大學裏,要懂得利用這個空間鍛鍊自己,要讓自己的尊嚴有足夠大的承受力,要知道,社會是一個最喜歡打碎人的尊嚴的地方,除了你自己,沒人會為你保留它.

  十四,大學是亞社會.對,所以,當你上了高年級後,要讓自己有大人的形象,大一的孩子看到你,你要能讓他們感覺到你是他們的學長.你很成熟.

  十五,你有足夠的理由佩服每天早起的人,不信的話,你去做.做到後會發現有很多人佩服你呢.

  十六,經常給家裏打個電話,即使他們說不想你.

  十七,你可以有喝醉的時候,我們可以接受,但是你要明白和真正的朋友一醉才能讓傷心事方休,否則,你只會是別人的談資和笑柄.

  十八,如果你四年內很少去圖書館的話,你就等於自己浪費了一大筆一大筆財富.所以,長去那裏,隨意翻翻,都有收穫.

  十九,不論男人還是女人,如果在大學裏還把容貌當作重要的東西而過分重視的話,可能不會吃虧,但是早晚會吃虧.可能,很可能.

  二十,面試時很多老總會問你—-如果你能見到老總的話—–你會做什麼??也許你現在其實就可以記得這個問題,這樣可能以後會好好答—–尤其對文科學生來說.

  二十一,新學期如果你接新生的話,當被問到學校怎麼樣之類的問題時,你要記住你不但是這個學校的一分子,你更要給你學弟學妹帶來信心,你走過大一,你應該知道那時候對學長的信任多深。

  二十二,別總抱怨不公平,你的不公平對別人是公平的,辨證法——高三時學的,忘記了?

  二十三,別迷戀網絡遊戲。千萬別。

  二十四,“我愛你“。別對很多人說這句話,在大學裏,我的意思是,希望你只對一個人說,這是尊重你愛的人,更是尊重你自己的感情

  二十五,大學,因為你呆的地方是大學,所以你有空間承受失敗和打擊,因此,你應該……真的應該,找找……自信和自傲的區別,可以用一輩子的.

  二十六,如果你的個性讓很多人對你敬而遠之,那麼你的個性是失敗的,個性的成功在於能吸引,而不是能排斥。

  二十七,如果把上課不睡覺當做一種鍛鍊並且你做到了,那麼,你很強,而且記住,其實你應該是這樣的,老師再差,也比學生強,因為他們是老師。

  二十八,學生會的主席之類的幹部,如果你尊重他們,告訴你自己那是因為他們是你的學長而不是因為他們是你的上級,事實上,大家都只是學生而已,只是學生。

  二十九,瘋狂英語的話:別怕丟人,如果你實在不行就別怕丟人,行的話,建議你們-去追求丟人,那是一種成功的嘗試,至於為此笑話你的人,你可以把他們從你將來人生對手的名單中排除了,所以你也不要笑話那些上臺丟人的人。

  三十,從絕望中尋找希望,人生終將輝煌.

  三十一,如果你不抽煙的話,你的精力將比抽煙的時候好的多,這是絕的.

  三十二,你的確要學的有心計,但是記住,永遠記住,在社會上要勝利的唯一的方法永遠只是一個,那就是實力,永遠不用懷疑.

  三十三,面對不公平的東西,不要抱怨,你的不公平可能恰恰是別人的公平.所以,你不如去努力的奮鬥,爭取你自己最合適的公平.

  三十四,人生百態,不要對新的看不慣的東西生氣,無所謂的,比如說戀人同居問題,和我們很多人無關的.

  三十五,別總請人吃飯,別總讓別人請你吃飯______朋友除外!

  三十六,在大學裏就開始訓練自己的冷靜力,這是一種能力的,有大事時,能安靜並能快速想出辦法的人,很厲害.

  三十七,大學的競爭範圍是所有的大學生,所以,你知道是否可以放鬆學習的.

  三十八,大了,成熟了,穩重了 ,但是這和激情不矛盾,一種對工作和學習的衝擊力及持久力會讓你有特殊的魅力和個人實力

  三十九,記著 在所謂的學生會裏即便你就是主席 如果你的四級沒過沒有畢業證的話白搭沒單位想要你這樣的人單位需要的是工作的人而不是當官的人更何況現在的就是主席學到的是喝酒抽煙相互的吹捧

  四十永遠不要嘲笑你的教師無知或者單調,因為有一天當你發現你用瞌睡來嘲弄教師實際上很愚蠢時,你在社會上已經碰了很多釘子了。

  四十一不要幻想自己成為招聘會上的寵兒,當你明白百分之七十的初中生都可以上大學時,你應該明白人們不會去崇拜一個群體的大多數的。

  四十二英語一定要學好,但英語絕對不會是你生活的全部保障,所以多學點東西可能有時會救命的

  四十三,你可以看不慣一些東西,但是你應該學會接受——如果你沒法改變那一切的話。

  四十四,對陌生人,或者把對方當做一張白紙,或者把對方當你的朋友,總之別當做敵人,即使你聽到再多的關於他(她)的不好的傳聞。

  四十五,愛你的人,不管你接不接受,你都應該感謝對方,這是對你們的尊重。

  四十六,在晚上,聽聽收音機也是種快樂和幸福。

  四十七:每個星期一定要抽時間出來鍛鍊身體的。好處多多。

  四十八,如果周圍有人嫉妒你,那麼你可以把他從你的競爭者之列排除了,嫉妒人之人,難以成大事。

  四十九,別去爭論,可以回憶一下,你會發現,人不可能贏得爭論,可以說,爭論所提級的話題都是不值得去爭論的。

  五十,成功的方法多種多樣,別不接受你看不慣的方法。

  五十一,男人,你長的可以不帥,但你這個人可以帥,而且,那才是真正得帥。(當然,女人也是同樣得道理)所以,不必在穿著打扮上花太多心思。

  五十二,只有學習瀟灑才可能一切瀟灑。但是只是可能,因為處世能力過分出眾而成功得人是有,但是你必須牢記實力得價值。

  五十三,進入大學,就是一個新的環境,接觸新的人,你的所有過去對於他們來說是一張白紙,這是你最好的重新塑造自己形象的時候,改掉以前的缺點,沒進入一個新的環境,都應該以全新的形象出現。

  五十四,為愛堅持的人,記得堅持可以,但是不要為愛受傷。

  五十五,或文或武,我是說你要有一樣能行得地方,樣樣通樣樣松是為人之禁忌。樣樣通幾樣更通方是境界。

  五十六,QQ是聯繫朋友的工具,可以是交朋友的工具但是別輕易相信QQ上的友誼更別輕易幻想QQ上朋友得樣子。

  五十七,還能衝動,表示你還對生活有激情,總是衝動,表示你還不懂生活。

  五十八,如果你不能擁有,那麼告訴自己別忘記——如果你能承受那傷痛的話。

  五十九,雖然班級的概念在大學並不明顯,但是也別忘記,你的同學是你的朋友。

  六十,準備考研,早點比晚點好。

  六十一,別抱怨四級六級之類的東西,那是證明你能力的很好的東西。

  六十二,要有精英意識,考慮一下,大學的人了,迷戀武俠言情,已經沒有意義。

  六十三,莫過於梗直,莫過於圓滑。外圓內方即可。

  六十五,永遠別渴望做個任何人都不得罪的人,有人反對有人支援然後自己做出決定是精彩的人生。

  六十六,魄力,要有魄力,即使是失敗,也不要讓自己的人生平庸。

  六十七,喜歡一個人,就勇敢的告訴他或者她,我在天涯說過大學是學習的地方,但是我理解愛情的力量。追求你真正愛的人,只要自己認為值得,那就是值得的。

  六十八,應該相信一句話:沒有不可能的事情!!真的沒有,只要去做,現在我們是學生,十年後呢??二十年後呢??想想。

  六十九,我不去想是否能夠成功,既然選擇了遠方,便只顧風雨兼程。

  七十,後悔是一種耗費精神的情緒.後悔是比損失更大的損失,比錯誤更大的錯誤.所 以不要後悔。

  七十一,我們確實活得艱難,一要承受種種外部的壓力,更要面對自己內心的困惑。在苦苦掙扎中,如果有人向你投以理解的目光,你會感到一種生命的暖意,或許僅有短暫的一瞥,就足以使我感奮不已。

  七十二,每個人都有潛在的能量,只是很容易:被習慣所掩蓋,被時間所迷離,被惰性所消磨.

  七十三,于千萬人之中,遇見你所遇見的人;于千萬年之中,時間的無涯荒野裏,沒有早一步,也沒有晚一步,剛巧趕上了

  七十四,你可以選擇堅持,也可以選擇放棄。沒有對錯。我是說對愛情來說,但是重要的是堅持你的選擇。

  七十五,相信時間的力量,可以沖淡很多東西。

  七十六,在大學裏堅持每天做一件相同的事,很能鍛鍊我們,試試便知。

  七十七,多笑笑,會慢慢讓自己真的快樂起來。

  七十八,人生有很多次如果,但是沒有一次但是.

  七十九,當你不懂得放棄的時候,你可以告訴自己你還懂得堅持.

  八十,大學的手機是否應該用只有自己有答案.

  八十一,永遠不要瞧不起大學裏的貧困生.

  八十二,在大學時代看看學校的招聘會吧.你會感覺到一種前途的危機.

  八十三,全是人.全是人.全是人.我只有連說三次全是人才能形容出場面的人數. -寢室一個大哥向我形容招聘會的場面,後來我去看了.全是人.全是人.全是人.

  八十四,越大,我們就會發現對與錯越是那麼不明顯.這不是錯,這是事實,而且無法改 變. 記得結交每一個值得結交的朋友。

  八十五,無聊的時候,別忘記朋友。朋友無聊的時候,別忘記你是他們的朋友。

  八十六,社會上要想分出層次,只有一個辦法,那就是競爭,你必須努力,否則結局就是被壓在社會的底。

Friday, October 24, 2008

Last day of my undergraduate lectures!!

Today is the officially last day of my undergraduate lectures!! Next week will be study week, then follow by the final, and seriously final exam of my undergraduate studies!!

How time flies...

What do I do next? Where do i go next? Seriously, I'm not sure... Continue studies? Money is my BIGGEST problem. Look for job in Australia? Very very hard, given that i'm no PR nor i have any industrial experience. Go back to Malaysia? Half of me says yes, another have reluctant to, unless I have no choice. Not within my control though.

Sigh..

Only 2 subjects for finals this time. Handed in my Intro to Research report and lab book. So whatever done is done, can't change anything. The 2 subjects for final, I'm aiming for 7. Make this final semester as my best semester in UQ. Kambate!!

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

GYM!!

It has been two weeks since i last hit gym. The pass two weeks were crazy for me, with the assignment, take home exam, and also super long lab hours. Finally here comes the teaching-free week. Hitted gym yesterday with Carol. 30 minutes Ab-blast followed by one hour Body Pump. No cardio. Pure muscle work for 90 minutes. Stretching and flexing hard, and with weights to add on the difficulty. I'm not ambitious, hence i started with the lowest weight: 1.25kg on each side. It was nice. Tired but nice. for whole duration nothing was on my mind except "Push harder! Work all your muscles!". Really nice work out. I think i'll go again next week.

Besides that, teaching-free week is finally here, follow by mid-semester break. No lectures for two weeks. But tonnes of things to be done! I have one more assignment due right after mid-sem break. And i have to finish off all my lab work of Intro to Research project so that i can start focusing on my lab report and poster presentation due next month. Stress...
 
Gambate to myself! Less than two months till final exam's over!

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

报章里的文章看到这样的一句话:

演講或寫作的深度和力度,原本就是生命的深度和力度。或能欺人,無法自欺。

所以心講最高,腦講其次。嘴講等而下之。

在此提醒自己。 

Monday, September 22, 2008

在网上看到的故事:

[从前有个秀才,和一大户千金私订终身。
怎知大户千金最终嫁给别人,秀才大受打击,一病不起。
家人到处求医,用尽各种方法都无能为力。
眼看秀才奄奄一息,一游方僧人得知情况决定去点化秀才。
僧人到秀才床前,拿出一面镜子让秀才看。
秀才看到一名不幸遇害得女子一丝不挂的躺在沙滩上;
第一个人路过,要了摇头,走了;
第二个人路过,于心不忍,脱下衣服,给女尸盖上,走了。
第三个人路过,挖了个坑,小心翼翼的把尸体掩埋了。
秀才看了不解,虚心的向僧人请教。
僧人解释说,沙滩上的女尸,是千金小姐的前生。
僧人接着解释道秀才是第二个路过的人,曾给过千金小姐一件衣服,故今世和秀才相识,只为还秀才上世赠衣之情。
但是她最终要报答一生一世的人,是最后把她掩埋的人,也是她今世的丈夫。
秀才恍然大悟,就病愈了。]

有种感触。。。

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

started my research project in lab yesterday!! and omg. there's tonnes of things i need to learn. tonnes of reading. have to revise my statistics and use of SPSS too.

went to gym yesterday. after almost three months without exercise. X-training. super tired. whole body aching now.

got to write up my lab book. should be done in lab, but karen gave permission to me to bring home and write. have to show her tomorrow. dunno how to write. > <

tomoro gonna be long day for me. 8am to 2pm non-stop. what the heck. think i gonna eat during lab meeting. if not, in lecture.

miss him. in awkward situation now. someone tell me what to do.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

I'm back in Brissy.

Things are as usual. But feelings are so different. Feel so strange, like getting into an unfamiliar place.

Been unpacking and setting things in order. Uni starts tomorrow. New start. Aiming higher this time. Highest ever.

This coming 4 months decides how my life will be for at least the following one year or two.

Excited, nervous, and stress.

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Internet connection back home has been really really lousy. It took me so long to open my email, let alone letting me blog.

Will put up the BBQ pics as promised once the connection is stable enough, and when I have the time to do so.

Today (it's past midnight now) is Idy's convocation. Would like to attend the ceremony, but at the same time, mum wants me to accompany her to her gathering with her colleagues. Reason? She claims she does not know how to get to Jusco Tebrau City. It's just an excuse for me. And worse thing, she said she feels hurt if I don't accompany and spend time with her. She said when I came all the way back, she hoped to spend time with me. But then, I think I spent most of my time at home with her. The only exceptions were when I spent one afternoon with Yin Ping, 5-days away from home to Nilai and KL (left house Thursday and reached back home on Monday), a steamboat dinner with GS friends, and Wei Sien's birthday gathering at Redbox Karaoke. For about 3 weeks back in Malaysia, I spent more than 2 weeks staying at home. And now she's saying I don't spend time with her. What the heck?! If she feels hurt, how about me? Does she thought of my feelings?

Sigh...

Friday, June 27, 2008

From INTI

A post from INTI! Haha!

I'm now in Mian Bao's room. Didn't see her for quite some time (not too long ago actually.. met before CNY this year). Crashed in her room again this time. *Thanks Mian Bao! :D*

Wanted to see some lecturer and have a chat with them, but too bad most of them not around. Only Dr palsan. But even that also i didn't manage to find him. Having class I supposed.

Going to meet up with ah kor later. Last time didn't manage to talk to him a lot. This time must talk till day break. Haha!

INTI is still pretty much the same. Except the new tennis courts built. I feel so old here seeing the younger ones studying and organising events. It felts like it's ages ago when I did the same as them. Age is catching up fast.

Will try to post again soon. If not, wait for my post about the BBQ on tomorrow night.

Ta~~

Thursday, June 26, 2008

GS gathering

Haven't seen my high school friends for long. I think the last time i see them was last year before i left for Brissy. Had a small gathering again just now. It's nice to meet up again with them. Had some nice chat, and a bit of update of everyone's life.




*From left: Chia Fui, Fiona, Yun Xin, Sher Lin, See Eik, Wei Ting, Idy and me*

It's always nice to meet up with friends. Too bad I can't join them for another gathering to meet up with Yap. Haven't see her for long too. Hope there will have more gatherings.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

My bestie


*Yin Ping and I @ Jusco Permas Jaya*


Here we are! ...Should have taken more pictures. sigh...

She's still as cute. Had nice long chat with her. Got to know some shocking news. Feel sad about it. Happy that we're still able to chat everything.

Really hope to see her again before I leave.

Monday, June 23, 2008

Finally after 3 long years...

...I'm meeting up with Yin Ping later today!!

This gal is my bestie in high school. Knew her since form 1. She came in 2 weeks later than other students. Very quiet gal (at least that's what i thought), with big specs and cute hair style. Looked like Tweetie Bird.

As we were in different class, we met only during Moral class. However, as we non-Malay students are the minority in school, we tend to stay closer to one another. During Form 1 to Form 3, the time we learned to know each other more, and spent most time with, was after school. As those three years we're in afternoon session, we ended school at 6.45pm. Both our parents usually came kinda late to pick us up (earliest would be around 7pm), and our friends usually leave for home earlier than us, we had that time to chat. We shared our day's funny stuff, discussed studies, or just chat for fun. We used to guess whose parents would reach earlier just for fun.

Form 4, we were in the same class. That year was fun for me, as i get to be with quite a number of friends that were not in same class before. But of course at the same time, some of my ex-classmates were not in same class with me. Anyhow, this year was fun. With the new, young, male chemistry teacher (who coincidently have the same surname as me), and with his strong mandarin-accent english, we laughed at him, but at the same time, we looked for him to ask detailed questions. Other students laughed at him so badly, and they went tuition for chemistry, so they already learned things during tuition. Yin Ping and I did not attend any tuition for chemistry, hence we would get to school early (as usual), and meet the teacher in staff room to ask questions. This happened almost every week. We got closer with the teacher, and it was nice and fun to have "free tuition".

However, a problem popped up. As our school's a girls' school, and there were some teachers that were not so open minded, they thought it is inappropriate for school girls to be close with male teachers, especially YOUNG, SINGLE, MALE teacher. Luckily, we managed to prove ourselves clear.

Our friendship grew stronger as years passed. Attended same tuition classes during Form 6, both being one of the few Form 6 prefects, we were like twins. Went for trip with our chemistry teacher (yes, the same male teacher) for competition, struggled to remember the details for "our project", went to the beach near-by, and played sand!! Those were the days back in school.

After STPM, we hardly meet each other. I went to work as a temporary teacher in a chinese primary school, and that made us even harder to meet up. If I remember correctly, the only time we met was when we went to collect our STPM results. After that, another once in City Square which we happened to be there coincidently, and chatted for like 5 minutes? Since then, we never see each other.

I'm so excited to see her again later!! 3 long years, lots of story to tell. But kinda worried too. Will we feel awkward and have nothing much to say? Or am I worrying too much? We'll know later. Will definitely take pictures with her!

I'm sooooooo happy and excited!!

Thursday, June 19, 2008

At a blink of time..

... I've finished my exams!!

And I'm already back in Malaysia!!

Time flies...

Saturday, June 14, 2008

one more...

One more paper to go~!!

Cardio paper was kinda difficult. MCQs are the tricky ones. Not sure what kind of marks I will get. I know i did my best, that's it.

Last paper is Advanced Immunology. Difficult paper too. It's on Monday, and I'm not prepared at all. Lots of things to study too, but not in mood. Can't help thinking of going home.

Things are not going well here in this house. They no longer treat Nick as friend. Or worse still, just refer him as "your friend". I don't really know how to face him or anyone in this house. Sigh... I wonder what is he thinking actually. At this time, everything i do everything he does are being judged. He forgot to wash the pans, and this already can cause negative feelings and comment from people. And I don't know why he can't apologise first. I felt so bad, i apologised to my friend. Not because i wanna defend him, but i feel guilty because this is my house and i should take care of it. And this, in the end, caused more negative comments.

I don't know how to please everyone. I have my own principles of treating people i know. Whether is it i'm paranoid, or whether it is the case, i do feel that people are trying to break me and nick up. Well, not only just break us, but don't even allow us to be friends. This is not my principle. He is not that good, i know. But, not to the extend that i can't even befriend with him. And even if I want to break up, it's not the right timing to break up with him too. Exam period. Breaking up will just make both of us not able to focus for exams, and that's the last i thing wanna do. But the main thing is, do i really wanna break up with him?


Sigh.. I'll see to it once both our exam's over. That's gonna be trouble too.

Before that, I need to FOCUS on my studies!!!

Focus focus focus!!

Sunday, June 8, 2008

1 down, 2 to go

Finished my first paper for the semester yesterday. Biomedical Pharmacology. The crazy subject that has tonnes of drugs, their mechanism, toxicity, and side effects to memorize.

The paper was not too tough if i had more time to study. Too bad i didn't have that. MCQs were very tricky, and i went blank for 2 SAQs. Should be able to pass *praying hard*. It's almost impossible to get distinction, but hope can get a credit *praying even harder*.

No point wondering or pondering on the paper now. Next paper is also another killer subject: Cardiovascular Science. No idea what's the breakdown of the paper, make it harder to focus on any of the topic at all.

No choice, but work hard!

Ganbate!

Sunday, May 25, 2008

They say,
"You can get lost by overly immersing yourself in one thing, and one thing alone."

I guess
that's why i'm lost.

going home

I'm going home!!
Got my ticket home and back to Brissy.
But now, i kinda regret.
Weird me huh?

wanna change job for long
now i have a chance
but don't know how to tell my current manager

He's a nice guy.
Told him pretty last minute that i am going back home
and have to take leave
He told me
don't worry, just go home. you will still have a job here when u come back.

It's not good to tell him now that i might apply for new job, rite?

sigh..

i still wanna go home, and will go home!

Saturday, May 17, 2008

Can i go home?

I know it's impossible.. or near to impossible.
I have no money.
I know if i tell my parents, they will let me fly home as soon as i want.
But i know it well
It'll be an extra expenses for them if i go home.
It's hard enough for them to earn and loan enough money for me to study here.
I know i shouldn't be selfish.


but...
i seriously feel like going home.

never in my life i feel so home-sick before.
never.
i feel like rushing home as soon as i finish my finals.

can i be selfish?

Thursday, May 15, 2008

when nothing seems to be right

and i don't know how to face them...


feel like just walking away
from everything
everything


disappear to a place
where no one know me


i'm trying to
keep everything in control
but i'm losing grip


slipping away...

Monday, May 12, 2008

Cried and cried and cried non-stop last night.
Tears just flow for no good reason.
Feel that I always trying to make other people happy.
How about myself?
I don't know.

My eyes are dry now. No more tears.
Hope will be better day today.

Monday, April 28, 2008

Do whatever i can, at least to prevent things from getting worse

Broke down again last night. Tears just flowed out like never-ending stream water. Worse still, i had to pretend I was not crying when talked to mum and dad on phone.

Don't know why i have such high production of tears. To wash away my fears? To wash away my stress?

Just read this from a friend's blog:

"We should always try our best to give our best shot in everything in our life.

However, if some problems stop thing from going smoothly, we should still do our best even the outcome might not be the best.

If the situation is really really bad, we can at least still do whatever we can to prevent thing from getting worse."

Will do my best.

Quote a line by Sun Yat Sen, the Father of Modern China
心信其可行,则移山填海之难,终有成功之日;心信其不可行,则反掌折枝之易,亦无收效之期。

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

deadlines

1 assignment due today! And i still have the last part to finish! That's not good!

Another assignment supposed to due tomorrow. Luckily it got extended till coming Monday. Will try to finish it by Sunday evening.

One assignment due next Friday, and another on the following Tuesday.

Deadlines, deadlines, deadlines!!!
This blog is still pretty negative. I use it as my channel of releasing all the negative thoughts and stress, which i don't know how to express it by talking or chatting with people. More of the inner side of me, i guess.

Will try to make it more positive. Because i want to be more positive in my life.

Monday, April 21, 2008

昨天,心情超低落。
今天,好了很多。

是时候了
该爬起来了
继续往前走吧

虽然
真得很累
虽然
很想放弃

不过
如果放弃的话
很不负责任

放弃的念头
真得很强
会让自己越来越悲观

不会的
我不会被这个悲观的力量打倒
我会加油
虽然累
但我不会放弃

只是有时候
很希望
有人为我加加油
帮我打打气
而不是一脚把我踩下去

想要踩我的人
你们看着吧
我不会被你们踩扁的


这个星期
两份作业要交
一份还没写好
一份还没开始
糟
要猛踩油,加把劲了!

Sunday, April 20, 2008

感觉自己疯了。想要自杀的念头不时浮现。知道这样很傻,但自己真得喘不过气。

很想放弃,很想放弃。真的。


感觉自己被孤立。不能怪他,因为真的不是他的错。是我自己没法保持乐观的想法, 是自己在逃避。


我知道,放弃的话,不值得, 也会伤很多人。


但


我很累,真得很累。。。


我知道,我应该要挣扎,应该要继续努力,应该要站起来。


可是


以我现在的力量,我能撑多久?

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

One quarter of the year has passed.
How time flies.

Thinking of my own future now.
Should i get into Honours year, or should i join the working force?
Do i have the financial ability to get into Honours?
If not..
Do i have the qualities and things wanted in the work force?

Thinking.. thinking.. thinking..

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Mid Semester Break

I'm back in Brissy, and it's already mid-sem break now!!

What a busy and hectic semester, i would say. Taking only 3 courses, but it's draining my energy already! Mid-sem break is not a break for me at all. With three essays to hand in in around a month's time, or slightly more than one month. Tonnes of journals to read, and analyse, and come out with my own essay on the selected topics. That's not all. I still have other assignments and presentation.

And only if studies are the only thing that i need to worry about, how nice would it be..

I need to work harder! Gambate!!

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Pack pack pack!

Last day of CNY. Chap Goh Meh.
Going back to Brissy tomorrow. Haven't finished packing yet.

Mixed feelings on going back to Brissy.
I really have to settle down fast. No time for me to drag any longer.
Gambate to myself.

Monday, February 11, 2008

Happy Chinese New Year!

As title, Happy CNY!!

This year get to celebrate CNY in Malaysia. Haha! Definitely better than in Aussie. :D

Lots of things happened, but i have no time to describe all in here. Streamyx connection is stil as bad. Will try to update more when i go back to aussie.

Till then, ta~

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Been back in Malaysia for almost 2 weeks. Lots of things have been done, yet a lot more to be done. Sent my lappie for repair on last monday. My lappie supposed to have a DVD-ROM, but yet after more than 2 years of purchasing it, only i realise that my lappie didn't have one. The cooling fan has also a bit of problem just before i came back to Malaysia. Luckily i did extend my warranty to 3 years, which will save me a big amount of money now.

Other than that, went KL twice in this 2 weeks. Spent time with my aunt, my cousin, my bro. Went back to INTI on last friday too. Met up with Dr. Sia, Ms. Lalita and Dr. Palsan. Met up and had dinner with Kee Kuen, Mian Bao and 38 too. Spent a night n 38's house together with Mian Bao, and had mice long chat with both of them. It was so nice to catch up with them after one year. Not forget some other friends that i managed to "catch" them and have a short chat. Haha!

Last two days i had been in Singapore together with my bro, accompanying my aunt for her chemotherapy and CT scan. She was diagnosed ovarian cancer about 1.5 months ago. Pity her. Not married for her whole life, she had no one but her parents (my grandparents) and siblings to turn to. This was the first time for me and my bro spending so much time with her. We were never very close to her, just seeing her during festive day or occasionally when she was at home when we visit our grandparents. First time having long chats with her, and i realised she is actually a very nice person to be with. Just pray that she can survive through the chemotherapy, and hope that the cancer cells do not spread to other organs.

That's all for now. Ta~

Sunday, January 20, 2008

Back in Malaysia.
it feels so weird.
familiar yet unfamiliar at the same time.

anyway, food here still taste as good.

and i miss Nick.

Friday, January 18, 2008

Last post in Brisbane before i come back again.

so many uncertainties to face this time home.
wonder if next time i come back here in brissy, will i be packing all things home to Msia, or will i be unpacking stuff i brought from home?

anyhow, will miss my dear Nick for sure.
I'm going home soon. real soon. tonight's flight. but i'm not ready yet.
trying to snap as many photos of my house as i can. collecting as many memories i had in this house as i can. wonder the next time i come back to brisbane, what situation will it be?

the feeling of emptiness kicks in fast.
seriously, i can't bear to leave brisbane. can't bear to leave everyone and everything here.
keep thinking to myself, is this a good choice? will i regret?

i don't know

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

3 days..

this is so sudden. I'm going home in 3 days time. and this time, i'll face a very big challenge in my life. i'm not ready to go home. i'm not ready for the things that are waiting for me back at home. sometimes, i wish i was smarter in the first place. i wish i was a little bit richer. then things would be different. but what is the point pondering things right now?

i feel bad. feel bad for treating my dear nick, beiying, and carol this way. i wish i had a better choice. secured future but with longer route/time to get there, and unknown future with relatively very short time to reach the destination, which will u chose?

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Confused...

I'm confused now..

one call from someone last night
one decision to make almost immediately
two choices: to continue, or to start anew?
a decision that will affect my life forever

what should i do?

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Can't wait to go back to Malaysia!!

I'm going back to Malaysia earlier!! Yay!!

Just changed my flight from 1st Feb to 26 Jan, which mean I'll reach Malaysia on 27 Jan instead of 2nd Feb! Yay! Now got more things to be settled before going home.

Will be home in less than 3 weeks time. This is just too exciting! Hahaha!!

Sunday, January 6, 2008

New Year, New Blog

Finally start off my new blog. Created this blog quite some time ago, but always didn't find the urge to blog.


Anyway, it's time for me to get back into blogging again. Haha!