one more...

One more paper to go~!!

Cardio paper was kinda difficult. MCQs are the tricky ones. Not sure what kind of marks I will get. I know i did my best, that's it.

Last paper is Advanced Immunology. Difficult paper too. It's on Monday, and I'm not prepared at all. Lots of things to study too, but not in mood. Can't help thinking of going home.

Things are not going well here in this house. They no longer treat Nick as friend. Or worse still, just refer him as "your friend". I don't really know how to face him or anyone in this house. Sigh... I wonder what is he thinking actually. At this time, everything i do everything he does are being judged. He forgot to wash the pans, and this already can cause negative feelings and comment from people. And I don't know why he can't apologise first. I felt so bad, i apologised to my friend. Not because i wanna defend him, but i feel guilty because this is my house and i should take care of it. And this, in the end, caused more negative comments.

I don't know how to please everyone. I have my own principles of treating people i know. Whether is it i'm paranoid, or whether it is the case, i do feel that people are trying to break me and nick up. Well, not only just break us, but don't even allow us to be friends. This is not my principle. He is not that good, i know. But, not to the extend that i can't even befriend with him. And even if I want to break up, it's not the right timing to break up with him too. Exam period. Breaking up will just make both of us not able to focus for exams, and that's the last i thing wanna do. But the main thing is, do i really wanna break up with him?


Sigh.. I'll see to it once both our exam's over. That's gonna be trouble too.

Before that, I need to FOCUS on my studies!!!

Focus focus focus!!

1 down, 2 to go

Finished my first paper for the semester yesterday. Biomedical Pharmacology. The crazy subject that has tonnes of drugs, their mechanism, toxicity, and side effects to memorize.

The paper was not too tough if i had more time to study. Too bad i didn't have that. MCQs were very tricky, and i went blank for 2 SAQs. Should be able to pass *praying hard*. It's almost impossible to get distinction, but hope can get a credit *praying even harder*.

No point wondering or pondering on the paper now. Next paper is also another killer subject: Cardiovascular Science. No idea what's the breakdown of the paper, make it harder to focus on any of the topic at all.

No choice, but work hard!

Ganbate!

They say,
"You can get lost by overly immersing yourself in one thing, and one thing alone."

I guess
that's why i'm lost.

going home

I'm going home!!
Got my ticket home and back to Brissy.
But now, i kinda regret.
Weird me huh?

wanna change job for long
now i have a chance
but don't know how to tell my current manager

He's a nice guy.
Told him pretty last minute that i am going back home
and have to take leave
He told me
don't worry, just go home. you will still have a job here when u come back.

It's not good to tell him now that i might apply for new job, rite?

sigh..

i still wanna go home, and will go home!

Can i go home?

I know it's impossible.. or near to impossible.
I have no money.
I know if i tell my parents, they will let me fly home as soon as i want.
But i know it well
It'll be an extra expenses for them if i go home.
It's hard enough for them to earn and loan enough money for me to study here.
I know i shouldn't be selfish.


but...
i seriously feel like going home.

never in my life i feel so home-sick before.
never.
i feel like rushing home as soon as i finish my finals.

can i be selfish?

when nothing seems to be right

and i don't know how to face them...


feel like just walking away
from everything
everything


disappear to a place
where no one know me


i'm trying to
keep everything in control
but i'm losing grip


slipping away...

Cried and cried and cried non-stop last night.
Tears just flow for no good reason.
Feel that I always trying to make other people happy.
How about myself?
I don't know.

My eyes are dry now. No more tears.
Hope will be better day today.